How we judge our crushes:
Not with your dick
Basically, this rating is the lowest you can get. This means that I wouldn’t fuck this person if it was, as per the name, with someone else’s dick. Which is bad.
Tears in heaven
This, on the other hand, is the best rating you can get. This basically means that you would stick anything in any place on said persons body, and/or let them do the same to you. You’d be their willing slave. And you’d probably cry during the sex out of sheer joy.
The corpse bride
This rating is middle of the road. It says “I’d sleep with you, but only if you’re dead.” Reason being that you are too annoying when you’re breathing and would probably talk during the good sex like an annoying single woman during the Sex and the City movie.
If he bought me dinner
This is the rating that can only benefit the person passing the judgment. Normally, we wouldn’t allow ourselves to be degraded by even being in your presence. But if you bought us food, we might go to bed with you. But you’d only have 5 minutes. That way we get a free meal and don’t feel completely bad about it.
Let’s Frak!
You’re only good for one thing, and that’s a good lay. But who cares, you’re probably hot. So you can fold me up like a lawn chair, baby. Just remember who’s on top.
Retardis
Being with you wouldn’t make sense, and could possibly make my friends think I’m retarded. But I don’t care, because you’ve made my nether region wetter than Vietnam.
Andrew
Cassie
