Claws out!

Wish I was more on top of Valentine’s Day, as Cassie would’ve received this from me…

I'm too sexy for my claws.

Daniel Tosh in a leotard.

Twisted steel and flex appeal.

God, this man has everything I want. He’s funny, hot, and just gay enough w/o being too gay. I find myself trying to get over him from time to time, because I still can’t tell if he’s really gay or straight and it’s exhausting to try to figure out. I feel like he’s leading me on in a way in the course of this relationship that I’ve built in my head. But goddamit, I want a Tosh.BLOW now! Guess I’m going to have to make a stupid viral video to get on his show and hope that my “web redemption” involves him sexin’ me. Maybe if I make a bad amateur internet porn he’ll be compelled to bring me to the studio and show me how it’s really done…I won’t make your dick go soft like that 7ft model, Danny boy!

Speaking of Daniel Tosh…

Just found this pic of my cyber boyfriend, sexy beast Daniel Tosh! Wish I found it in time for my “reasons to have cable” post. I could have made a bunch of jokes about the hair in his hands. Alas, enjoy the free nipple shot…

3 reasons to get cable TV.

David Bromstad, host of HGTV's Color Splash.

David Bromstad is one of my favorite men on TV right now. He’s just adorable. He is all smiles all the time, and I like that in my pretend boyfriends. He’s got a show on HGTV where he remodels shitty rooms, so he is definitely gay. All the talk he does about laying tile and woodwork really get’s me hot. I read an article that said he had a boyfriend, but if he’s gay at least there’s some reason to hold out hope! If you ever ditch that bf Bromstad, call me. I’ve got one room in my house you can definitely take a look at.

Comedian Daniel Tosh, host of Comedy Central's Tosh.0

Next up is Daniel Tosh. Daniel is a stand up comedian who has his own show on Comedy Central. And quite honestly, he’s an asshole. But if there’s anything a gay man likes, it’s asshole, right? He’s funny and definitely cute. The only thing that throws me off is his hair. I can’t tell what’s going on. It seems that he either got hair plugs or started using rogaine sometime during the filming of his show. It don’t make no nevermind to me, as long as whatever is up there doesn’t pull out when I’m grabbing it while riding him like Mary Murphy rides the hot tamale train…WOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WOOOO! Can I have a Web Re”dick”tion, please? And yes, I want you to wear the backyard wrestling outfit. And maybe be on salvia.

Last but not least, my Home Shopping Network hottie, Aaron Berger. I can’t really find any pictures of him, but I did find this awesome clip of him on Youtube. Upon researching him further, he is apparently gay. Score! Maybe single? I love when Aaron and Adam Freeman (another hottie) do the electronics shows together. I keep hoping that there is some behind the scenes romance between the two of them…and that I can be involved in it. Either way, sell me some love on a stick tonight baby, ’cause I’m definitely buyin’!

Jacob Black, complete with…shirtless action?

So, along with the slew of other promotional merchandise that has been produced for the Twilight saga, we’ve been given a series of action figures. The line has already featured a Jacob Black figure. But that figure was fully clothed. Now we’re getting a shirtless version! If you’ve read my short “about me”, you know that I’m a big dork with a big action figure collection. And that I’ve also been jokingly accused of sticking said figures up my ass for pleasure. I can assure you that I don’t. But if I was to shove any figure up my keester, it would have to be this one. I’m hoping to reenact that Rolling Stone shoot by playing with the figure in the tub and pretending I’m on a beach with him in California. Alas, it hasn’t been released yet. Maybe Cassie will get it for me for my birthday! (hint motha-fucking hint.)

Rolling Bone(r).

Finally, Taylor Lautner’s Rolling Stone cover issue has arrived! It’s all over the internet, and apparently Taylor is a hot draw as he seems to get us the most views (yes, I am a slave to numbers, especially if the numbers are 6 and 9…but that’s a different subject entirely.) I’d also like to add that I love how sexually they are marketing a 17 year old boy. His “wild ride”? Ha! There’s only one “wild ride” that teenage girls want to give him, and it’s not on a banana seat. But there is one wild ride I want to give that involves him seated on my banana. Teenage whores beware! Come near my teen wolf and I’ll cut you faster than Whitney Houston cuts a coke line!

So, without further ado, time to give the people what they want….unveiling Taylor Lautner’s Rolling Stone cover!

Taylor Lauter wet 'n wild on the cover of Rolling Stone!

Just 2 dudes in love…

For Andrew…

I just died a little bit.

Taylor Lautner photo shoot for Rolling Stone.

It’s a good thing that I wasn’t on this photo shoot, as I’d be giving a water birth to some unborn babies of mine in the background. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while! But you know what they say, absence makes the dick grow harder. New JD coming soon…

Sci Fi sausage fest.

Sometimes, I even amaze myself. Just when I think this blog can’t get any dirtier, something comes to my attention that I have to post. Pretty soon this blog is gonna house more dicks than the White House under the Bush Administration. My opinions? The Jensen Ackles pic could quite possibly be photoshopped, but even if it is I consider it a good find. Poor Taylor Lautner doesn’t seem to be workin’ with much! I guess gaining 30lbs of muscle took a couple inches off his weenis. And Chris Pine, my oh my…that guy’s dick is HUGE! Anybody that saw the Star Trek movie got treated to his wee wee on the big screen, which made it look even bigger. I know the camera adds 10lbs, but shit, I didn’t know it went straight to your junk! God bless you, Chris Pine. And your package. Maybe the same will happen for Taylor in New Moon