Judgment Day: Jamie Bamber

Jamie Bamber shirtless, possibly full on naked. Just the way we like him.

Andrew says:
Jamie Bamber is quite possibly one of the most beautiful men alive. I, along with many others, fell in love with the Bambs on Battlestar Galactica. As the sensitive and buff Lee Adama, Jamie showed his stuff on more than one occasion (literally and figuratively speaking.) The first time I saw him shirtless, I’m pretty sure my penis was stiffer than Hillary Clinton’s upper lip. Even when the character went through his “fat phase”, where he became a pudgy depressive alcoholic, I still found myself attracted to him. But that may well have been because I knew his “fat” was fake (yes, I am that shallow.) Underneath that suit was still the six pack abs I came to love (and possibly came all over, if you count splooging on a computer screen with a picture of Bambs on it.) I will say that I am not a big fan of his flowing locks look, as I think close cut hair much better displays his facial features. He was in the season 2 premiere of Dollhouse, in which he was displaying the look I’m not too fond of. But I think I could look past the hair, if given the oppurtunity. And if I’m willing to compromise, it must be true love. Give love a chance, BAMBS!!! (Or at the very least, give a single gay man a chance. I know you’re married, so I’m willing to share. See, I’m changing myself for you! You love me, right? Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!?)

Andy’s Final Judgment:  Tears in Heaven

Cassie says:

Sigh.  Lee Adama.  To paraphrase Family Guy, he’s the kinda guy you hate until he’s inside you.  Andrew, I object to your depiction of him as “sensitive”…Lee was, especially in the beginning, a complete d-bag…and I loved him for it.  I DESPERATELY wanted him to hook up with Laura Roslin and was heartbroken that it never happened.  They were so cute together, the President and her Captain Apollo, mutinous lovers standing together in a cruel world…Alright, Andrew, SHUT UP!  I know that isn’t the point of this blog.  So, ANYWAY, Lee Adama is hot as shit…when he was in the military.  I don’t know if you just become desensitized to his beauty or it goes away but by the point he became a lawyer and grew out that horrible hair, I was kinda over him.  (Honestly, in large part, it was the hair.  Like how Russell Crowe can be superhot in films like Gladiator…but between film roles he would let his hair grow and become this hideous affront to the senses.  I too saw Bamber in Dollhouse and even though he was speaking with a British accent and beating the shit out of someone, both things I find ridiculously hot, I couldn’t get into it because of that fucking hair!  Good God, I just want to hold him down as I give him a buzzcut…and then use whatever time is left to do other things that involve me being on top.  In my defense, however, his Dollhouse hair is really awful…and this is coming from someone who loves David Mitchell even though he totally has Hitler hair.)  So, in summation, Bamber, love ya, just lock up the hair.  Thank you, and goodnight.

Cassie’s Final Judgment: Let’s Frak!…shortly after you have a haircut

Judgment Day: Taylor Lautner

Taylor Lautner's promotional poster for New Moon.

Andrew says:
Oh, Taylor. Where to start? Let’s be honest people, this kid just oozes cute. He’s tall, dark, and handsome. And buff. And if I’ve heard correctly, a werewolf. Now that’s some sexy shit. But, there are some problems. For starters, Taylor is only 17 years old. Now, 16 is consensual in most places, but it would still make me feel sorta creepy. Also, he is a main character in the Twilight movies. I haven’t seen the movie nor do I care to. I tried to read the first book and it wasn’t pleasant. Too much tension, not enough sex. As a fan of Buffy and True Blood, I’m used to the vampire sexual tension being relieved. These little Twilight bitches seemed to cry every time they almost kissed in the book. Sickening. It’s almost a catch 22, because I don’t like Twilight, but I have that movie to thank for his new super sexy buffed out bod.  Last but not least, he’s an Aquarius.  And that’s never a good thing.  But regardless, he’s hot hot HOT in my book.

Taylor Lautner's "new moon."

Andy’s Final Judgment: Retardis

Cassie says:

So I actually read the Twilight series before it became this huge cultural phenomenon and really enjoyed them…and now feel dirty to admit this (and not in that sexy “being double-teamed by the Ninth and Tenth Doctors” kinda way).  They appealed to my inner 14 year old (shockingly enough, Andrew, I wasn’t always this full of loathing for my fellow man).  In the books, I actively disliked Jacob, Taylor’s character (the fourth novel being the exception…not that a literary discussion is apropos to this manfeast we are creating).  The first movie did not change my opinion (mainly because he looked like a wig-wearing 12 year old).  The New Moon trailer, however…GOOD GOD!  Did you see his chest!?!  I just want to cover it in guacamole and lick it off.  Crap!  Now I want Chipotle!  Where was I?  Oh yes, Taylor.  Yes, he is young but I quite like fresh meat (like to get to him before some other jackass ruins him)…and I’ve never been one to let a little jailtime stand between me and something I want….and I also maybe sometimes like being called Mommy in bed.  Anyway, his body’s definitely hot but after the guacamole-covered sexy time was over, I don’t think we’d have all that much to talk about….except maybe the incestuous vibes present in the Wizards of Waverly Place movie.  I hear he’s scrogging Selena Gomez. 

Cassie’s Final Judgment: Let’s Frak…but then you’ve got to go home